For my Sunshine....

When I look out the window

I see the sun shining bright

I imagine it to be your face

The radiant smile so bright

I get enveloped in your hair

The smell, the feel, the flair

thats my haven I know

Everything else is a despair

Then I open my eyes and realise

you are not around, you are gone

I feel this huge vaccum and empty

Like a body without a soul

I think about the time we spent

Those lovely days and beautiful nights

In each others arms and the kisses

The laughs and the fights

It brings a smile on my face

To know it was so fulfilling

And then I ask the universe

to start it from the beginning

In your absence that I feel

the emptiness I can’t shield

so when we talk and share thoughts

I let negative energies wield

I say things I don’t mean

I say mean things

It hurts you I know

All those wrong doings

I don’t intend hurting you

I cannot, I will not, never

for you are my sunshine

I love you, I love you forever

So please forgive me my love

For I am imperfect and flawed

I can never be as lovely as you

All I can offer is love and being loved

You deserve much more in life

The happiness, warmth and love

and I know I will try my best

for the universe who made "we" knows

A thought on a thought....

It starts as a thought and then starts growing till it encapsulates my entire existence. I command it and then it commands me. I think about it and then it starts thinking me. A very small puny thought nonexistent just a fragment of my imagination slowly is transformed into an image that takes over my mind and all I do is find validations, examples, situations, something that someone said in the same context, movie dialogues, paper articles, the reference in the entire universe. Beyond a point it takes me on a journey of imagination and thoughts that leave far behind that simple thought that simple fragment. I wonder whether I am the master or the slave, whether I am the creator or the creation. Just a thought....

Traffic Signal

For everyone who is frustrated at the signal....

For everyone who is the reason for others frustration on the signal....

For everyone.... :-)

Yes, there is a movie with this name. There are probably books, metaphors. Some love it, some hate it, most hate it. Infact I remember the other day someone asked me "Whats your favourite colour?" I thought long and hard and could not come up with an answer. I then said just to make the conversation lighter "since I've started driving, my favourite colour is green. :-)"

So what does it do? Its red, you stop, its yellow, you accelerate or slow down depending on your definition of safety and energy saving, and it turns grees, you go, chances are when it turns green you've probably already crossed it. Red also causes stress and irritation once in a while. Whats following is probably a creation of that feeling.

One day I was driving and I was at the signal waiting for it to turn green and for a change I was calm about it. Thats when it struck me all of a sudden that signal is nothing but THE GREATEST PROOF OF HUMAN STUPIDITY!

Surprised? Sure. I was too. Shocked to be precise. Well, lets look at what it is for. Its green you go, turns yellow, you slow down, turns red, you stop! Simple?

Lets change the perspective. Its green, the signal is telling you, I am giving you an opportunity to pass, we accelerate and move fast. It turns yellow, its telling you, listen, in the next few seconds your freedom to cross this point is going to be forfieted for sometime till I feel right. Then I may let you go. And all of a sudden the face of your boss or your client appears in front of your eyes and you tell yourself, who should I care about my boss or this stupid signal? (Yes, I know u refer to the signal at stupid quite sometime ;-) ). So you accelerate and try everything to pass till it turns red.

Now its turn red. It is telling you, STOP! You have no right to cross, you have no right to pass till I allow you. Then it decides to go green and you finally feel as if handcuffs are off, you are unleashed by that 8 feet yellow coloured POLE!!!!

Feel it?

Lets talk about why was it made. Simple answer, for road discipline. Complicated answer? Coz we are stupid and non-disciplined. You have been in a scenario where we are on a crossing with no signal. If its peak hours, in about 4 mins flat there are cars facing each other and we are STUCK! Someone has to be the ice breaker by stepping out of the car and sorting things. This is who we are. Undisciplined, unorganised, self-centered and stoopid.

Thats why Signal. Reminding me everytime that human race, who has succeded in reaching the moon, design space ships to understand climate months in advance, created devices that can communicate without wires, created jets and airplanes, nuclear missiles, who has created the most amazing art in the world, have reached Mount Everest and broken millions of records with its potential; turns into "I wanna go first" RAT on a signal.

A flower in my garden....

For.... Someone.... I am yet to meet....

For.... Shweta.... Who trained me how to write poems....

A beautiful evening....

We met first time....

We both were excited....

It was like sugar and lime....

We talked for hours....

Sea waves were at its high....

We spoke about everything but....

What was in each others eyes....

I had the best sleep that night....

In a really long time....

I was sleeping with a smile....

Waiting for sunrise....

We waited anxiously....

And again we met....

The twinkle in her eyes and her smile....

Her being oblivious about her innocence my good fate....

Silence we enjoyed....

Words a few....

We didnt want the evening to end....

As always, good moments in life are askew....

Pulled towards each other....

We hugged....

The warmth, the feel....

Inexplicible peace....

We cudnt stop ourselves....

From missing each other....

Even though we didnt want....

Any 'another'....

This time we met....

She drove me around....

I was just looking at her....

Togetherness so profound....

Her eyes were searching....

For something or someone....

Maybe it was me....

Or an illusion I was or none....

Then there was a moment....

Her lips on mine....

I was lost in a wonderland....

Felt like rose wine....

I woke up suddenly....

Only to realise....

She was gone....

Was it a dream? Was it unreal? Were all these lies?

My heart ached....

I didnt want to believe....

I wanted to ignore....

Those moments, I wanted to re-live....

But then something hit me....

And I thought....

Wait a minute....

Why do I need to sought?

Those feelings were special....

Those moments too....

I asked myself 'How did I forget....

No one can take them from you'....

Was it her? Was it me?

Was it the feeling of being oblivious?

Was it our desire to fill....?

What made is so special?

It does not matter now....

Shes a sweet memory....

I think about her and smile....

My single star, sweet you are, very....

FATHER FORGETS - by W. Livingston Larned

For.... my dad.... my pillar of strength....

For.... Kahaan.... The smartest kid in the world.... :-)

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.

Guiltily I came to your bedside. There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor. At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the

stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years. And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.

Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bed-side in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed! It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum

with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!”

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

Tomorrow....

For Sheetal.... A sweet inspiration....

My friend asked me "How long do you think this relation will last?" To which I said I dont know and I am glad I dont. She was a bit surprised to hear my response and asked me again "I just wanna know what you think about this relation...." I didnt realise how profound this is till I actually said. I told her "okay.... Lemme explain you this way, we all know that we die around 80-90 maybe early. But if I was to tell you that you have exactly 54 yrs, 3 months and 10 days. How will your life be from the next moment?" She was quiet. "Similarly if I was to tell you that this relation is going to last 14 yrs 6 months and 22 days, how would you feel about it? What would you start thinking?" Now before you read the next paragraph, ask this question to yourself.

I realised how good it is that we dont know whats happening tomorrow. Or for that matter whats happening in the next moment. It makes life so worthwhile. Imagine the life of a prisoner who knows exactly what is going to happen every single day till he is out of the jail. We would never have been able to understand the importance of "Surprise". Predictability has always been a challenge to handle. One of the reasons I love my job now is because I really dont know what am I gonna do tomorrow. I have my calender, but I am just not sure of my intellectual and creative inputs. It streches my imagination as far as it could and still realise the next day that the whole day was absolutely different than what I had percieved.

I was waiting in the window talking to my friend cribbing about the fact that its not raining and its super hot. In the next 20 mins, it rained like crazy. The transition from me knowing its not raining to when it started and I became aware that it is raining was one of the most beautiful moments today. This wud not have been possible if our MET dept wud have been able to tell me exactly when it is gonna rain. I play with my nephew and I know most of the times what pleases him and what makes him smile. However, there was this one day when I was leaving for my office and I go and see him before I leave. He was fast asleep. When I went to see his beautiful innocent face, he was sound asleep. All of a sudden, out of the blue, he smiled. Still sleeping but a smile. That day was the most beautiful day of my life coz I got one of the best "Suprises". Those are the moments that make life meaningful when you expect a very small and a simple thing and it happens.

Life.... Treadmill.... Path....

Y'day was the first time I actually used a treadmill. It was new and a unique experience for me. The trainer pressed some buttons on the control panel which looked like a launch pad of a small flight. Then he said "go...." and the land beneath me started to move backwards. Although I had control over the whole machine, it took me sometime to get used to.

In our life, all of us have our goals, dreams and desires. We all are constantly pursuing our happyness. It can be a direct pursuit or an indirect pursuit. The final expectation is to be able to achieve our goal. It is also something that we currently dont have and thats why we WANT it. So we are trying hard to move away from where we are and closer to our goal. For theoretical purposes, I will say we have to move forward towards our goal.

While I was on the tradmill, I realised even though I was moving forward, technicall, I was at the same place. It struck me then, that a lot of things that we do in our life, assuming its taking us towards our goal are actually not moving us at all. It just consumes our energy and makes us be there. Things that bother us, affect us, stress us out, trivial details which are unimportant like standing in front of the mirror spending good 5-7 mins only on deciding what shirt to wear on a perfectly normal day. I feel what is missing is checkpoints to tell us we are going forward. For e.g if we desire to buy a new house, after about 2-3 years, we need to sit back and think, where have we reached in the pursuit. If not started seeing property options do we atleast have some amount of savings ONLY and only for that goal?

What we need to really think is whether we have checkpoints towards our goal just for us to know that we are moving forward on a "path" and we are not on a "treadmill of life".